Now that all the wedding excitement and honeymoon period is over, the newly married couple settles into a routine life. But, is it really that routine for the girl who has entered your house?
Everything is different for her. Suddenly, she is burdened with the responsibility of impeccable behaviour at all times, whether she likes it or not! The small child in her cries out every time she misses her own room, her own house and her own possessions. Arranging her belongings in a strange place is equally a strange task for her because every other time she would definitely have had her mother with her. Suddenly, she starts talking on the phone more than she ever had! Suddenly, her life turns upside down. And, then there is her intrinsic fear – the fear of rejection, the fear of judgement, the fear of the future.
So, there are a few things which the boy and the family can do to make the girl a part of the family, to make her happy and feel at ease. Because, unless she is really happy, she can never accept the house where she lives. It will just be a house for her but never her home.
To MIL and SIL – Share with her all the wedding details and show her all the gifts!
This task falls in the share of MIL, specifically. As it is, the DIL – MIL relationship is always under the spotlight so it is good that you try to break the ice, if she is hesitant to do it. And, what could be better than talking with her about the other part of the wedding scene which she was not privy to?
Also, a good thing is to open all the gifts together. But, there is a caveat. Open all the gifts with her. Do not hide anything. Because, when she comes to know some of the things were not shared with her, she does feel hurt. It is never monetary or a mercenary nature but it is the attitude which makes all the difference.
To FIL, BIL, Husband – Involve her in family matters!
She is a part of your family now. She is the family now. She has every right to know everything going on in your family. Unless it is a very big secret and does not involve or affect the couple directly, it is fine to keep it that way but if there is anything which remotely affects them, always make sure to involve the girl.
Unless and until you really do that, she will never feel a part of your family and equally, she will never accept you as her family. So, it is time to leave your patriarchal instincts behind and accept the woman as the homemaker. After all, she will make your son’s life!
To Everyone – Never comment on her habits or lifestyle!
Never really comment on her. Yes, her habits might seem strange to you but then do not forget, yours are equally strange to her! So, respect her for whatever her good points and flaws are but never really comment on her. If you want to get something across to her and that too only when she has done something really WRONG, choose the right time to talk to her and always do so in a gentler tone.
To Everyone – Give her space!
No, I am not talking about her privacy. But, I am talking about the space as in real estate space. The room which was till now inhabited by your son is now hers as well. So, give that space to her. She has brought her entire world with her to your house and help her create a new one in yours.
If you have other sons or daughters who share the same room as the husband, try shifting into a bigger house instead so that the girl may feel privileged, economy provided of course. Or, find out other ways as may be permitted by your situation.
To MIL, SIL and Other Females – Never ask about her assets!
This is one big mistake which everyone makes! Why do you really want to know the answer to how much property she owns or how much gold she has stored in her locker or how much she earns or anything else? Yes, curiosity might be there but never make the mistake of expressing it. This is a sure shot way of alienating her.
And, the females of the house are particularly responsible never to let anyone ask such questions to their DIL. After all, only when you show respect towards her will everyone else do the same and in turn she will start respecting you.